I’m having serious issues with a lack of motivation lately.  You may have noticed that I haven’t even attempted a daily log in the last week or so.  I realize that I haven’t really changed my eating habits all that much, but I did significantly decrease the amount of food I’m taking in.  I’d hoped to see some benefits from that – and by benefits I mean a number on the scale that shrinks slightly.

I didn’t expect big jumps – not without big changes.  It is, however, frustrating to see the number climb.  I feel so defeated, and I’ve barely even started.  I can’t for the life of me get into a functional routine.  I try so hard to wake up early, but 15 minutes early does absolutely nothing.  I can’t sleep, so I can’t get up.  Working out in the evening is not even an option for me.  We have standing plans for two weeknights every week, and we’re out of town Friday night through Sunday night almost every weekend.  That leaves two evenings for me to accomplish all the household chores, and no evenings for exercise.  That doesn’t take into account spending any time at all with friends, which I try to do every couple of weeks.

I absolutely hate where I am right now.

I had this idea – a small, stocking-stuffer type gift for my sweet Husband.  I wanted to put together a short photo book of our First Year of Marriage.  As I was gathering images, I realized I couldn’t organize them chronologically….because it’d just be a portrait of myself expanding.  It was humiliating to even look through them myself.  I simply feel hopeless.

Well, I have to go.  Meeting w/ my prayer partner tonight.  And no, I haven’t told her – or anyone other than the Hubby, Mom, and HS Friends.  *sigh*


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