I read a lot of blogs.  I mean, a lot.  I think the total hovers around 95.  And by “think,” I mean “know.”  I just checked my Google Reader.

Many of them are “homemaking” style blogs, or mommy blogs.  Man, I eat those things up!

At the same time, sometimes I hate reading them.  Reading all the things these women are doing with their lives, the things I long for, makes me discontent with where I am now.  I don’t want to read about how excited they are about autumn, because it means time spent wandering through the woods with their kids, or canning everything in sight.  I don’t want to hear about how amazing and awe-inspiring it is to feel a child growing within you.  I don’t want to see monthly meal planning schedules (also – holy cow, could I ever be that organized?!), complete with reserved date nights.

It’s akin to what I felt every time one more of my friends/family member got engaged, while the Hubs and I were still dating.  I was truly happy for them, but didn’t want to hear the news that I was once again being left behind.  I didn’t want to watch one more person have that which I longed for.  Now, I am married, and I love it;  he is my partner, lover and friend.  I take for granted what I was so desperate for.

If I’m ever blessed to have what I now look forward to, will I do the same?

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