Wants

Have you ever felt like you’re simply not good enough at anything?  I don’t mean that you’re not good enough at one thing in particular, but at anything at all.  I have.  I do, actually.

I’m overwhelmed with the feeling that everything I attempt is simply mediocre.  I’m a good cook, but not a great chef.  I’m a good draftsman, but not good enough to be an effective project coordinator.  I like photography, but my grasp of the basics is pitiful, and my work is imitative, at best.  I’m a less than mediocre housekeeper.  I’m a needy, self-centered wife.  I think I’d make a good mom, but can’t even manage to get healthy enough to find out.

I just feel. . .unimportant.  As if all I do is get in the way of those who are/could be doing “it” better.

Ugh, I don’t even feel like finishing this post, nor do I have time to.  I have to get back to my terribly uncoordinated, unfinished project.

All I want to do is quit.  To go home, curl up in a ball, cry for three hours and then go to sleep.  When I wake up, I want to start over on everything.  I want a new job, preferably one that’s close to home and part-time.  I want to be a better wife, lover and friend to Hubs.  I want to garden.  I want to keep a clean house.  I want to have children within a year.

And, more than anything, I want to feel worthwhile.  And to not feel guilty about wanting that.

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