Hello, world – ?

How weird is this – I’d forgotten that I made this blog public again.  I did it, then moved on with life.  When I logged in today, just to throw up a post, I saw that there were actual views.  What?  How?  Oh, yeah.  Then I got nervous. It’s not like I’ve really censored much of my emotion here, and really I’ve let much of the venom spew because it has to leave me somehow.  Skimming over past posts makes me remember how far I’ve come emotionally.

Rage isn’t a constant companion anymore.  Despair doesn’t pull at me daily.  There are days when I’m practically happy – joyful, even.

It’s been lovely.  Slooooow in coming, but lovely.

I’m even looking forward now, thinking of ways to attack this weight-loss thing again.  Now that I’m not just trying to stay alive.  I’ve still got about 30 lbs to go, minimum.  I’d like to get to 170 (41 lbs away), but I’m not sure if that’s a healthy weight.  I hovered around 180-185 for a couple years, and felt wonderful.  It may be a truly “fit” weight, though.  For now, my goal is 180.

Still formulating a plan.  Going to ask Hubs to do it with me this time.  Hopefully between the two of us, we’ll be able to motivate and hold each other accountable.  Before, it was just me doing it, him trying to help me.  He really doesn’t need to lose any weight, but to be fit. . .he does need to make changes.  And he can afford to eat differently than I can – yay metabolism differences.  Still, if we change together, maybe I won’t give in so easily to our current S.O.P.

Lifestyle changes, like:

  • evenings spend doing chores / walking outside rather than in front of the computer/TV
  • meal planning, including packing lunches (whether I feel like it or not)
  • getting to bed by 10:00 every night
  • figuring out some way other than food to reward/celebrate
  • limiting my office hours to 45/week
  • getting a night guard – too much teeth grinding!

Random list, I know.  Just thinking out loud.  And I love me some bullet points.

Anyway, today I’m focusing on getting over this head cold.  It’s knocked me out, unfortunately.  But it’s forced me to take it easy this weekend.  I’ve done a bit of work, then had to rest.  Then some bills, then rest.  Then some laundry, then rest.  I think I fell asleep at 9:00 last night – maybe earlier!  Feeling a bit better now, but this has been my “productive-feeling” time for the past few days anyway.  Hubs is off getting me some medicine (sweet man that he is), so between that and laying low, hopefully I’ll be ready for work tomorrow.  If not, then I’m seriously considering staying home.  Forget the backgrounds.  It’s not like I’d have finished them tomorrow, anyway.  Oiy – maybe my lifestyle change needs to include going to part time?  Haha!

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