Catching Up

Do you ever feel like you’ve been left behind?  And that no matter what, you’ll never be able to catch up?  You’ll never again fit in with your group of friends, because they now have years of shared experiences that you don’t understand.  Can’t understand, even.

We babysat for some friends this weekend.  They have three young kids, who are cute as can be.  They’re apparently in the midst of pushing boundaries and challenging authority figures, though, because man. . .it was a bit rough.  At least for me.  🙂  Hopefully they had a good time, though!

The thing is, when we brought them back, the “birth control” jokes started with all our other friends.  Yes, yes. . .watching children for two days is BC enough to last us another year.  Ok, thanks guys.  Ha ha, very funny.  I’ve not been the butt of a no-kids joke since, what, last week?  Sigh.

Pretty much everyone in our new group has kids, so it’s been work finding common ground.  Our old group, the pre-move people, were friends from college and right afterward.  I had common ground with them already, and they were my kind of people – a bit nerdy, loved scifi (but not in the creepy geek-out kinda way), loved Aggie football, dabbled in photography and learning about sewing/cooking/gardening/etc.  Most of the women had full-time jobs, though, so it really was just dabbling in those hobbies.  We had shared experiences.  Shared memories.  Were in the same stage.

And then we moved.  We’ve been in this new group for about two years.  And I still don’t really feel connected to anyone.  The ones who have full time jobs are mostly teachers.  So when they talk about work. . .well, I have no frame of reference other than when I was in high school.  Which, of course, makes me feel like a kid to talk about.  And since I have no frame of reference to all their parenting discussions other than my own parents, well. . .yeah.  Not much connection there, either.  The SAHM’s are practically giddy with the fact that they’re doing the thing they love most in the world.  And love to recommend it to everyone.  K, thanks.  No kids = no “M” for that job title.

Our old group?  Well, 95% of them are now SAHMs too.  And only one couple made an effort to keep in contact with us.  I know – it’s two-way street.  But guys, I was in a really dark place when we moved.  To realize that my friends either a) didn’t notice, or b) didn’t care enough to go out of their way once my schedule was no longer conveniently aligned with theirs. . .well, it was painful.  Still is, to some extent.

Anyway, what I mean is I can never catch up with either group.  If I had a baby tomorrow, I’d be years behind both groups.  The new group is all thinking about school-age parenting, some even at the high school level.  The old group went through the second round of infants about a year ago, so most of them are in toddler-land.  The new-mama thing?  They’re all past that stage.  And I’m a minimum of a year away from that anyways.

Before you jump all over me for implying that I only want kids to “catch up,” please understand that is not why I want children.  It’s something I’ve wanted as long as I can remember.  But, I also want connection with friends.  And that’s what I’m talking about here – nothing more, nothing less.

I don’t know. . .maybe I’m just freaking out because my (wonderful!) in-laws are coming for a few months, and their leaving happened at the same time as our move.  I admit, I fully expected to be showing off a grandchild on their first furlough.  Anyway, I’ll be better tomorrow.  Just thinking out loud.  🙂  Thanks for listening.



  1. Aww hun, I’m sorry. I know that’s gotta be hard. I don’t have the same issue (mainly b/c I don’t have but 3 close friends and only one is married with kids) but I get the no kids jokes and/or questions from our families. Little do they know that having kids is something I would have done 2 years ago when we got married if I could have. Maybe if you still don’t feel a connection after 2 years it’s time to find new friends (trust me, I know it’s easier said than done).


  2. Thanks, Tammy 🙂 Hit me particularly hard that day. A few months after Hubs and I were first married, we found out some fun health issues that jack with my hormone levels. . .and apparently makes it difficult to get pregnant. Yay. :-/ We weren’t trying or anything, but that was quite a while ago. Anyway, when we told my in-laws, my MIL initially thought we were telling them we were pregnant. . .and got SO excited. AT the time it certainly wasn’t funny, but looking back – watching the expression on her face change as she tried to recover was hilarious. She really really really wants to be a grandma – and is SO expressive!

    • Yep. In a pretty similar situation. Getting some tests done now to try and help determine what’s going on with my body. The hubby and I have already decided that we’re open to adoption if I end up not being able to have kids, but I worry our parents won’t feel the same connection to them. Especially since if we turn to adoption there’s a good chance we’d go the foster 2 adopt route since it’s WAY cheaper… but that means we won’t be raising them from infants.

  3. Pingback: Skinny Snowman Challenge: Week 2. . . | to be or not to be…healthy

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s