Trapped? Not so much.

Today has been crazy.  A good kind of crazy, but. . .it’s only 2 PM, and I’m exhausted!  I had a mole removed this morning, had Sweet Pea’s MDCP initial home visit (which I was ridiculously nervous about – gotta love that fear of the unknown and/or messing up), and am trying to help out with the office stuff.

That makes for a busy day, yes, but not a crazy one.  Sweet Pea brought the Crazy.  My girl is very very upset today.  She’s just cranky.  Gassy, probably.  She won’t tolerate being not-in-my-arms.  I finally got her to sleep about 30 minutes ago.  Normally, she’s about to start her second nap of the day!

Plan for the afternoon is to work. . .gotta get those thank you’s recorded and written, and Sweet Pea’s room is a disaster area right now.  Don’t worry – nothing hazardous, just messy.  But, we’re making it a point to get outside when it cools down this evening!

It’s so easy to get trapped in your own home with an infant, especially one with extra cords & tubes attached.  Hubs has helped me remember that there’s a lot more to the world than what’s inside these four walls.  And that’s critical to my mental and emotional health!  Yet another reason I’m thankful for that man.

Nothing more than an update today.  Further Up and Further In!

Life As We Know It (Now)

It’s been a long, long, long time since I’ve written here.  A really LONG time.  At least it feels that way!

Our family has been on a bit of a roller coaster ride these past couple of months.  Our sweet daughter made a surprise early appearance, and brought quite a few changes along with her.  Unbeknownst to us, she was truckin’ along inside my womb with some pretty serious health issues.

One day after work (about a month before my due date), I went to a routine appointment with my OB/GYN and discovered that we were going to meet our sweet girl that night.  THAT NIGHT, people!  Up to this point, we’d thought everything was progressing normally.  But a decreased amount of movement, elevated blood pressure and low amniotic fluid level had my Dr. concerned, so off to the first of many specialists I went.  They were so kind, as I was slightly overwhelmed and was learning all of this by myself, since Hubs couldn’t make it to the appointment.  They were able to explain what was going on to him over the phone, and he called our parents and church while I checked myself in to Labor & Delivery.

I cannot even begin to describe how well we were supported.  So many family and friends came to the hospital that night!  People drove over an hour, and brought gifts with them – at absolutely no notice.  And it didn’t stop there!  We were in the hospital for 45 days. . .over 6 weeks.  There were maybe three days where we didn’t have at least one visitor during that time.  Friends traveled several hours to see us and our girl, texted and called us daily, showered us with gifts, and constantly lifted us up in prayer.

It was astounding.  Overwhelming.  Amazing.  Humbling.  And it hasn’t stopped, even after we were able to take her home.

I am so thankful.  So incredibly grateful to these people.  They have quite literally held us up at a time when it was impossible to manage alone.

Now, we’re adjusting to the new normal.  The biggest deal (for me, at least) has been figuring out my work options, since Sweet Pea’s condition pretty much rules out any day care, and our insurance doesn’t cover nursing hours (yet).  We’re trying to navigate the ridiculously complicated (and expensive!) healthcare system, and are learning what it means to be an advocate for our child.  We’re also cherishing her sweet smiles and learning how to comfort her, running on little sleep from mid-night feedings, etc. – all the “normal” first-time parent things, too!

So, that’s what I’ve been up to.  The tone/content around here will likely change a bit. . .but then that makes sense.  I have definitely changed a bit!

Onward and Upward, friends.

What I’ve Been Up To

So.  It’s been a while.  I actually do have a good reason, this time.  Other than avoidance – haha!

Hubs and I are expecting a baby!  I couldn’t very well write about weight loss when I’m not supposed to be losing weight, and all the emotional stuff I could write about has been associated with Baby.  And, I wasn’t really ready to put it on the interwebs that we’re expecting.  So, I’ve been quiet as a church mouse.  🙂

But, YAY!  BABY!  Also. . .oh my goodness, I’m a mother. . .how terrifying.

So, that’s what I’ve been up to.  Now that you know, I may start posting more often, though it’ll be less about a weight loss journey than it will be about life in general.

Depression?

{I wrote this about a week ago, and apparently never posted it.  Oops!}

Well, it’s certainly been a while again.

I’ve written several posts, and published them all as “private”. . .sorry about that.  I’d fallen back into such anger, and I realize that it’s helpful to no one to read it.  It’s helpful to me to write it, but serves no purpose beyond that.

I’ve been borderline binging today.  I’m not at all hungry, and ate four kolaches and two small slices of cake.  Before 10:00 am!?  What?

So, what’s going on?  Why all the anger/listlessness?  I’m not sure.  I truly am not.  So many people have talked about how eating is a numbing agent, a cover-up for some set of emotional issues not dealt with.  So I’m trying to figure out what mine are.  I know they’re there.  I can pinpoint when my (latest round of) emotional eating started.

It was when I got married.  Ha!  Ironic, isn’t it?  There were some aspects of married life that were just really difficult for me.  I’m still struggling with the guilt, the lingering habits I formed at that stage, and we’re five years into this thing.  Marriage isn’t the only stressor, it was just the first.

Last night was rough.  And I didn’t get much sleep.  My defenses are down this morning, and it’s showing.  Oiy.  I really want to figure out what unresolved issues I’m burying.

I mention to Hubs the other day that I think I’m actually battling depression.  He immediately thought it was his fault. . .which is why I’d not said anything for so long.  It isn’t his fault!  He’s seriously amazing.  And so good to me.  It’s not his fault.  It’s mine – I just wish I knew why.

(By the way – this is best description of depression I’ve ever seen. . .it’ll make you laugh while your heart is aching)

FMM

And now, it’s time for. . . Friend Making Monday!

(courtesy of Kenlie from All the Weigh)

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM

Q & A

  1. Do you use coupons? – Mhmm.  I’m not an avid coupon-er, but the ones that coincide with an actual need. . .definitely!
  2. How often do you weigh yourself? – Once (sometimes twice) a week.
  3. What was your favorite TV show as a kid? – Goodness, I don’t know.  America’s Funniest Home Videos?
  4. How often do you drink alcohol? – Once a month-ish.
  5. Have you ever met a celebrity or public figure that you really admire? – Not that I remember.
  6. If you had to choose between only your cell phone or only your laptop all week which would you choose? – Cell phone.  No way Hubs would like it if I were running around the metroplex without a cell phone!  Plus I’m so rarely on our laptop, it wouldn’t really be an inconvenience.
  7. What is your favorite brand of detergent? – I’m on an ECOS kick, at the moment.  Delightful, since the water drains into the back field. . .!
  8. If there was a movie about your life, who would play the role? – A girl.  Probably blonde.  Hopefully a good actress!
  9. What book are you currently reading? – Nothing, actually.  I’ve been so busy at work/with family. . .may need to take a trip to the library next week!
  10. If you could spend one day on vacation anywhere in the world, which place would you choose? – Oiy, one day only?  Most of the places I want to go take longer than a day to reach!  If I didn’t actually have to deal with the traveling, I’d say New Zealand.  But I’d go back for more days later.  🙂

FMM

Sorry for the absence, friends.  Life has been busy, with the in-laws in town, my SIL’s wedding plans, work just going crazy. . .oh, and I’ve been in all-out avoidance mode.  So there’s that.

But I’m back.  Happy Monday!

And now, it’s time for. . . Friend Making Monday!

(courtesy of Kenlie from All the Weigh)

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Inside My Head

I like…waffles.

I don’t like…being told when and how to do things.  Mostly when.

I love…my Husband’s laugh.

I dream of…freedom.

I wonder…what’s holding me here.

I know…what an African sunset looks like.

I went…snow skiing once.  Still haven’t mastered the whole turning thing!

I think…this weekend will be wonderful.

I plan…to re-engage with friends in May.

I regret…time wasted worrying/wallowing.

I do…cherish you / For the rest of my life / I don’t have to think twice / I will / Love you still…aaaand now that song will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day!

I drink…coffee in the morning.

I wish…death would never have separated us.

I am…tall.  For a girl.

I am not…the tallest in my family.

I need…to get organized!  Oiy.

I hope…I’m pregnant.

I want…to live fully, in the moment, and without regret.

I sometimes…retreat from the world.

I always…call Hubs on the way home from work.

I can…make a chart out of almost anything.

I cannot…do a passable cartwheel anymore.

I avoid…pain.

I will…watch my SIL marry her sweetheart in a matter of days!

{couldn’t think of a title}

Here I am again, folks!

I’m sore today.  Oiy.  Who’d have thought a 20 minute workout could wreak such havoc on my muscles?  It feels good, though, to be sore.

Sundays are my rest day, which makes starting a workout regime on Saturday dangerous.  Today is a crucial day.  I will work out this evening.  Planned to this morning, but didn’t get up in time.  I’ve a singular talent for sleeping through the alarm clock.

Food is odd today, but has been better than most un-prepared-for days:

  • Breakfast – Coffee & creamer – 12 oz. / oatmeal & 1 T fig preserves
  • Lunch – 6 oz. Greek yogurt w/ 1/3 C granola / 2 hard-boiled eggs / 1 mandarin orange
  • (Supper plan – couscous salad)
  • Water – Wow – none so far.  Remedying that situation pronto!
  • Vitamins – Done and done.

In other news:  My SIL decided she’d like her bridesmaids to wear Sskeo sandals – with yellow straps.  I am ridiculously excited about this.  I know, I know – they’re just shoes. . .but what a great idea!  Shoes that can change styles literally every time you wear them. . .and what a wonderful way to support industrious women!