Perspective

Sometimes, I lose perspective.  Ok, so  I lose perspective a lot.  I get so wrapped up in where I’m not yet that I forget where I’m not anymore.  I was updating the Measurements page, and I realized that I have lost 30 lbs. . . and have successfully kept it off for almost two years (pregnancy not-withstanding).

30 pounds!

227 is no longer my “normal.”  195 is my normal.  That is the measurement I now need to challenge – and it’s still a good 20-25 lbs. more than is healthy.

But 25 lbs. is not 55 lbs.

Further up and further in!

Progress

So, you may have noticed that my weight has been hovering around the 200 mark for a while now.  I find that a bit frustrating, because I’d like to see a slow, steady decrease, but I’m happy with a really slow, somewhat steady decrease.

Capture

It’s certainly better than the fast, steady increase I had going for a few years there!

Anyway, I’d like to talk about non-scale progress for a bit.  I don’t know if you’ve read through any of my older posts, but. . .well, I was in a pretty angry place for a long time.  Eating was for me, like so many of us on this recovery path, an escape.  Something I could do to distract myself from. . .well, myself.  I could literally feel the frustration, anger and sadness being pushed down with every bite.  I craved that numbing feeling far more than food itself.

That is what I’ve been addressing lately.  That tendency to avoid life.

The thing is, avoidance works far too well.  Numbing myself to overwhelmingly difficult things does keep me from feeling pain.  But the numbing doesn’t contain itself to the painful parts of life.  It seeps over into the joyful moments too.

When my dentist numbs my mouth to fill a cavity, I don’t feel the drill. . .but neither can I smile.

That was a danger I didn’t recognize while running away from pain.  I’m ready to jump back into life, even if it means the hard stuff.  I’ve sequestered myself from too much as it is.

So, to that end, I’ve been intentionally working on re-connecting – with my husband, my parents, my siblings, my friends.  It’s been difficult. . .there is pain involved.  But oh, so worth it.

Because the smiles are back, too.

12th Man Day! And More. . .

Happy 12th Man Day, Ags!  WHOOP! The speakers on my office computer don’t work, but you can bet I’ll be blasting the Aggie War Hymn in the car at 12:12 today.  You know you love it 😀

Now for the “and more.”

Today is weigh-in day.  And, well, it’s turned out to be kinda a big one.

. . .

I’m down to 198.4. . .which is UNDER 200!

YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!

(insert happy dance here)

For the first time in a long time, I actually feel like this can be done.  This weight loss thing.  This living healthy thing.  This item No. 1.  I believed it was possible before, but today I feel it too.

Have to get back to work, but was just a little bit excited, and wanted to share with y’all.  😀

18’s, Be Gone!

Wow, so I fell off the face of the earth there for a bit, didn’t I?  Actually, I was present IRL.  I just got distracted from the internets for a bit.

So much so that I didn’t even track this week.  At all.  Until yesterday.  See?

Photo from WeightWatchers.com

Um. . . oops. . . :-/  (Also – took this snippet before tracking supper – I did actually eat a few more points than this.)

Anyway, we have family coming to visit for Thanksgiving.  So we’ve been working feverishly to get the house prepared.  Bathroom remodel.  Oiy.

Which, as it were, is why I missed the 11/7  inches measurement installment.  I can’t find my tape measure!  Oh, well – should just make for some fun numbers in a couple weeks.

My pants are completely loose.  I mean, all of them.  Which is really surprising, considering the fact that my weigh-in numbers haven’t shown all that drastic a change.  The 18’s have been falling off my hips for a while, but I couldn’t bring myself to buy new clothes.  Office wear is expensive!  I have two pairs of pants that are 16’s, and a few skirts that I’ve been getting by with.  But now even those pants are making me look sloppy.  Side note:  it was not long ago that I was stuffing myself in them like a sausage when my 18’s were all dirty, hating how I looked and felt, angry at myself for making lazy choices for so long.

Can I just say, this feels great!  And a little bit scary.  Because I’m going to donate my 18’s tomorrow.  They’re leaving my house, for good.

Onward and upward, friends.  😀

Victory is mine!

Minor victory this morning:  I didn’t go to the doughnut shop.  Granted, I always get a kolache or ham & Swiss croissant sandwich, but believe me – fat content on those are sky high.

Why do I consider this a victory?  Well, I had a rough little bout of “I hate this/myself.  Why am I even trying?  Can’t I just go home?” this morning.  Normally I run away from my computer and eat something to distract myself.

But not today!  I whined to myself, then basically said: Self – get over it.  Nothing you can do in this moment will change your circumstances.  Which, by the way, are pretty good.  So, just move on.  And when you can, make change happen.  But a croissant will not do that for you.

And then I did.  🙂

Planning Ahead

Guess what I did today.

I planned a menu – three weeks worth of meals, in fact.

Oh, yeah – love this feeling of planning ahead!

Now, it’s just a matter of hitting up the grocery store weekly (or bi-weekly, I suppose), and Hubs and I are well on our way to eating better.

It definitely feels good to be here!

 

 

 

Fireworks

I realize I’m a few days behind with this post, but. . .well, life’s been busy.  Yes, life, not just my overactive brain.  It really feels as though I’m surfacing after nearly drowning – every gasp of air is precious, but still a bit painful.

No, this doesn’t really have anything to do with weight loss (down 2 more pounds as of this morning, though!) – just a reminder that life is a beautiful thing.  It’s as bright and glorious as a fireworks display, and just as fleeting.

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